Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
