No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
