Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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