Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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