There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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