At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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