i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
