I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
