at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
