3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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