I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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