I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
