well you can't waste a boner
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
