my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
