Moan for me like Helen Keller
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
