Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
