I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
