He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
