Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
