Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
