i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
