i already hear my dad disowning me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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