i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
