We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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