Cold hands, warm shart.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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