I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
