she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
