ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
