the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
