fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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