ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
