Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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