My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
