literally had 100 drinks last night.
Your dad touched me again.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
