It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
