a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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