20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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