Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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