i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your penis caused this!
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