please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Damn victory sex feels great
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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