It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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