Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I AM VODKA MAN
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
