We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
