I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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