If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
