The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
