You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
