Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
