Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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