drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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